“Hi, my name is Maria and I’ll be taking care of you this evening.”

I thought it would be fun to do a post on being a waitress. I wish I could say that I wrote all of these. I didn't. I just renovated an article I recently read to fit my own experience. 

So here goes: 20 things about a server:

1. Your weekends start on Sundays.

And ends on Sunday too. You try squeezing an entire weekend in one day. Not easy.

2. Wanting it to be busy but also wanting it to be soooo sloooow.
Get busy and make money that you desperately need, or stay slow and get cut in time to have a social life? DECISIONS ARE HARD.

3. People who switch tables a hundred times.

‘This one is too dark. That one is too bright. This one is too secluded. That one is too loud.’ This table will take up maybe 45-90 minutes of your life. You are not Goldilocks. Please SIT DOWN!

4. Being ignored after saying hello to a table.

Gotta love those people who think that drinks, food, and requests for lemon slices and extra ketchup are magically appearing at their table at the hands of the Invisible Restaurant Ghost. Oh no wait, that’s me.

5. The agony that is the question “What is your favorite thing on the menu?”

“My favorite thing on the menu is whatever you want my favorite thing on the menu to be. Or the most expensive thing we have. Take your pick.”

6. Or even worse, “What kind of food do you have here?”

I didn't know you couldn't read?! Oh, but you can. And funny story - that’s what menus are for! That way I don’t have to recite everything that is literally in your hand, in front of your face right now.

7. People saying they’re ready to order when they are soooo not.

“I’d love to listen to you debate the food choices that you told me you made 10 minutes ago when I arrivedat this table, but I have to go do literally ANYTHING else. Plus I was seated with four more tables while you were talking. Nbd.”
8. People who are just plain picky.
You are not allergic to extra salt, the kitchen cannot “whip up” a raspberry vinaigrette for your salad, and no, we are not going to pick the tomatoes out of our tossed salad because you don’t like them.

9. Being blamed when food takes a long time to come out.

I am not in a chef’s coat because I am not the chef. I do not cook the food. I am a server. I serve. But table 74 gives you and your empty hands dirty, dirty looks every time you walk by, and that’s when you discover just how many ways there are to get around the restaurant without having to make eye contact with them.

10…unless you really did forget to send their food order in.

Believe me, the panic we feel that moment we realize this is worse then your hunger pains.

11. That person who needs an extra side of dressing. And when you come back with that, they need a sweet tea refill. And when you come back with that, they need another napkin. And when you come back with that…

I super appreciate the exercise, but I do my running in the morning with my Nike’s on. Make a list. Ask for it all at once. Pleaseandthankyou.

12. Being flagged down in any way, shape or form.

Please please please, for your safety and my job security, do not shake your glass of ice at me indicating you need a refill. Chances are, I’ve already noticed and it’s on my list of a million things to do. Chances also are that if you shake that glass of ice at me again, I will dump it down your shirt.

13. Last minute walk-ins.

Closing at 8pm does NOT mean that you can (or should) come in and order a three-course meal at 7:59. The sheer intensity of the death stares you receive will probably burn holes through your clothing. Just don’t do it. Under any circumstances. Ever.

14. This also goes for people who got there at 6:00 and want to sit around until midnight.

No, I will not give you another refill. Your coffee is cold because I poured it three hours ago. Get out.

15. Bad tips.

This is a serious PSA: Servers make $2.13 an hour. Two dollars and thirteen cents an hour, and (all and I do mean ALL) of that is taken by the government for taxes. We literally live off tips. It doesn’t matter if you’re at Waffle House, a local restaurant or Ruth Chris. If you can afford to eat out, you can always, always, always afford to leave a 20% tip.

16. But it’s not all bad! Most guests are very happy and pleasant…

Regulars are the BEST and if you banter with me, I will be your new best friend and might even try to get you free dessert.

17. …and we leave with cash every night.

We don’t even have to wait until Friday because every day we work is payday. I make it rain $1’s and $5’s!.

18. It’s practically a requirement to go out for coffee with our coworkers once we’re off…

We’re here, we’re ready, and there’s only two hours until the cafe closes. 

19. …and as a result, we make some pretty awesome friends.

You may not always love your restaurant, but you’ve gotta give them props for hooking you up with some your best friends. 

20. Plus we’ve learned to tip like crazy!


Sandy said…
Nice! You got it from the blog I sent you? Lol. I like it. Makes me laugh. ;)
Hey....I just now read your outfit post over at Fresh Modesty!
It looks like I will really enjoy your blog!

Anonymous said…
My niece worked as a waitress and had a nasty, non-tipping customer that regularly came in and made her life miserable. One day her mother and father came in to eat while the nasty customer was there. After watching him being extremely rude to their waitressing daughter and then getting up to leave without giving a tip, mother stood up and gave him quite a tongue lashing for his rude and miserly ways. The astonished (and humbled) man had no idea he was being chastised by the waitress's mom.

chels said…
hilarious post!
having worked as a waitress as well I know what you're talking about!! this really made me laugh. =)

I found your blog this morning via your guest post over Fresh Modesty. =) Lovely outfit on there, btw!


chels said…
oh yes, I was going to ask..which restaurant do you work at?
In honor of this hilarious post, I have to share with you a funny experience my husband and I had with a waiter the last time we went out to eat.

When he first came to our table, he asked how we were, and my husband asked how he was in return.

He says, "Wow! No one ever asks me how I am!"

He was very friendly and interactive with us throughout the meal, (and had to put up with some real food allergies that I have; salt not being one of them!:)

As we were getting ready to go, he exclaims, "You guys are LEAVING??!! I give you food, I give you drink, and you're just going to go and leave me!?"

Mu husband assured him that our tip would make up for the loss, but it kept me laughing for days afterwards.

I came by way of Olivia's blog, and I loved your outfit. The sweater is my favorite color.

Livia Rachelle said…
I found your blog through the Friends of Fresh modesty.
Haha, a lot of this stuff about customer service is similar to the hair shop where I work as receptionist. I thought one time that someone meant to leave his hairstylist his change and he said, "I don't have your kind of money." I can imagine how much worse it is at a restaurant where you HAVE to have tips. Seriously some adults are unbelievable. I totally agree about the stupidity of the customer is always right principle.
I'm so glad I came across your blog! It's so nice to know I'm not the only modest dressings, blue collar working girl out there! I'd love to get to talk with you more. My email is TexasSailor3@yahoo.com Rachel
Christine said…
You are so great! I'm glad that you are a waitress cuz you get to share your liveliness with all your customers. I'm sure many go home feeling happier cuz of you. :)
Rissi said…
Cute post, Maria! Hope this new job works out well for you - despite all these "issues." ;)

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